Thank you Orkut

I have always hated alarms. Though I have gotten used to their silly raucous tantrum they play every morning in an effort to wake me up, I still hate them. But as the most ugly things and stupid jobs become a part of our lives, so has this. And monday mornings I am somewhat appreciative of the alarm to wake me up for the new week before me. As the clamor filled my ears and partly vivid dreams, my hands moved to the table to pick up the phone and turn off the alarm, with my eyes still closed. I felt a strong urge to turn face down on my pillow and add an extra minute to my disturbed sleep. But my daily life wouldn't allow me to. 

I gathered my strength and climbed out of bed. The morning was bright but cloudy, and the weather seemed to go along with me in sharing the monday morning blues. I completed my early morning chores, did a few push ups and entered the shower. As the warm water poured over my head, I started imagining how it would be to stand in the rain. I hadn't done so since college, and was too conscious now, all the time worried about my health, clothes and time. I spared the thought aside and dried myself quick to get ready. I made myself toast and poached eggs and had them for breakfast along with a cup of coffee. While on the table, I scanned through my watsapp messages and calender for important events of the day. Checking mails required more time so I preferred checking them while seated comfortably in my office cabin.

It was 8:30 by the time I left my house. It was a 15 min drive to my office and during rush hours it sometimes took more than 30 minutes. When I first moved here after school, I was very thrilled about my new job. 5 years and a PhD was quite a journey and it was exciting to do something else, something more routine. After a year down the lane, this routine had made my life monotonous. There was nothing to be thrilled about, I had realized. My marriage had seen 6 months, but I was still leading a bachelor life, with my wife stuck in India due to visa issues. Up and down the same road, regular office hours and returning to an empty house was making me less of a human being and more of a mechanically operated bot. The thoughts about my insipid life got swayed into a thoughtless cloud which resounded with the voice on the radio reading and discussing the current events. Listening to the news gave me a strange feeling sometimes. I had no idea who the person of the topic of discussion is, and many a times I didn't even care whats going on out there, but still I kept on listening to it. This medium of anonymity lying between me and rest of the world who I know nothing about even though I live in it unsettled me all the time. I wondered how in the e-socialism era we have truly become highly unsocial. How our social obligations have become limited to wishing birthdays through messages and clicking on our friends' pictures just to show them we are there somewhere, without being a least interested in what is actually going on in their lives. These thoughts were incongruous to my current life. I was settled and peaceful, married and earning well. But there was nothing i could do about it, so I simply let the thoughts pass.

20 minutes of drive and 20 ages of thoughts finally got me to my office. Finding a parking was again a pain, and after a few rounds I finally got one at the end of the 6th row. By now it had turned a shade darker outside, with rain clouds drifting slowly over my head, like the dementors. I entered my building and feeling too tired already, took the lift to the fourth floor.

My cabin was situated at the end of the hall. Sometimes it was a good thing, that I could see everyone while I walked down the hall and say a quick hello, or stop for a short chat. I also crossed the kitchen which was mid way down the hall. That was a place I really liked. One could meet people for coffee or for lunch during the breaks, and those short conversations often took off the work stress. I liked these small social gatherings much more than the social hub on the internet. While walking down I found some of my colleagues already working, and some empty cabins, waiting for their hosts to arrive. I reached my cubicle, kept my bag on the side table and turned on my computer.

I logged in to the system, and then to my office mail. Finding no overwhelming tasks out there, I decided to take some casual time off before beginning my day. I logged into my Gmail. That was a part of my daily routine as well. As the gmail was loading I opened the news in a new tab. 10 unread messages popped up on my bookmarks bar. One chain mail going on with my friends in India, some ad mails, calender reminders, shipment order confirmation from amazon and one about Orkut? I curiously opened the mail from google that said that orkut will be shutting down in September. There was nothing fancy about the mail, nor it had anything to do with me, yet i blankly stared at it for a moment. Orkut. It was something i was hearing or reading about after a long time. The mail said about exporting profile data, but I was not sure if I had anything there that I wanted or needed to take out. But it wouldn't harm to visit once before it closes. Today there were no meetings and I could jump on to my project work. So keeping things aside, I opened my Orkut page. Wow, things had changed here. Except for my profile pic, things looked so different on the page now. Oh yes, and there was the horoscope. Its funny how i loved reading those. I looked at my friends list and most of them were in my friends list on Facebook or in circles on G+. Their profile pics looked old, compared to the recent ones on other social sites, and it was obvious they had not visited Orkut either, or had not bothered to change it since there were few visitors here. The left column looked new too, with vibes, conversations, reminders. It was incredible to find that so much time had passed. I browsed through my photos and videos and they were last updated a few years back. Looking at those old pictures made me smile. I then clicked on the testimonials. These were one unique thing about Orkut which I missed on other sites, and I realized why when I opened it. The page displayed all the testimonials my friends had written for me. The first one was from the girl, who in a few years' time became my wife. I read it, again and again, and seemed to fall back in time when we started dating. The remembrance made me actually stifle a laugh. Those moments became so livid, and I fell in love with her all over again. We had started chatting through Orkut and it was an important part of our lives then, since long distance calls were expensive. I had never realized how a social site was responsible for my love life. I started missing her and wanted to be with her at the moment. I wanted to see her. I opened up the chat window and dropped her a message to see if she was available for a hangout. Her status showed away so I decided to wait. I kept on reading further.I came across a testimonial from a friend whom I hadn't talked to in a while. He was my school friend and we were the best of buddies back then. Not a day went by when we did not talk, or play a prank, or share our food. And today was a day when I did not know which city he was in, or which company he was working for. I read and re read the testimonial. I could feel every word of his, how much it meant, and how important our friendship was to him. I suddenly realized how important I was to someone, and how loved and respected I was. I was abashed at the thought of not being in touch with this buddy of mine, who was once a part of my life. At the same time, I started feeling happy and a warm feeling of friendship filled my blood. My ho-hum life had started humming, and vibrant colors filled my surroundings. I picked up my phone and searched for his contact number. I still had his old number when he was in college. All these years, I had never bothered to update his number even. But there was no time to rue. I searched for him and found his contact. And then I dialled.

While the connection was being made, my heart started beating faster. How would it be to talk to him after such a long time? Would he remember me the same way as before? Would we be able to share things again? What if he is uncomfortable in starting a conversation? A thousand such questions kept bouncing off my head as the phone started ringing on the other end. With every ring the pulse grew faster, and at a point the heat reached my head. And then someone picked up the phone and answered "Hello?". The voice was as calm as ever. I said "Hi Anand, Ravi here. How are you dude?" . Not a moment had passed after that than Anand jumped on me with his frivolous banter and in no time we were laughing aloud like wild dogs. It never looked like we were talking after years. And at that instant, the years that went by did not matter; all that mattered was that moment. While on the phone I walked towards the window and looked outside. It had started raining. And after a long time, I felt I was out in the rain again. It felt like happiness.

Thank you to Orkut for the moments it gave me, for the love of my life and for reminding me how important I am to some in this world.

The ravage in Uttarakhand

Nature's furies are not unheard of. Nature as we know it, has enormous resilience and tends to retain homeostasis, adjusting to all perturbations transpiring around. Earth has been doing great with its carrying capacity, and with some tweaks here and there it has managed to stay well accommodating all of us. For how long it can hold on, that is a thought facing permanent denial from our side. 

Nature does has its ways of rejuvenating. That has been observed on the course of evolution, appearance and disappearance of species and landscapes. How is it that man has any role to play in this? Well, human beings have made use of nature and its resources to all possible extents, sometimes thoughtfully, and most of the times, rashly. This leads to increased and elevated levels of disturbance, and hence more frequent requirement for nature to adjust itself. Its ironic how majority of us believe in God's nature and yet fail to respect it or to self-analyze our roles in destroying that sanctity. And in the end, when nature reacts to these disturbances, God is put on stands for showing his fury.

The recent havoc wreaking in Uttarakhand has brought us to reconsider the picture and ponder upon what lies behind all this.Considering the massive loss of life and property due to the floods and landslides, and looking at the dire necessity of measures to be taken to improve the situation, this question becomes all the more important to ask, even though how logically inappropriate it may seem. What caused the nature to be so ireful? 

Its high time now that we look into the facts, understand them and accept them, rather than clad ourselves in religious beliefs and balderdash. What caused the rocks to fall, the lands to slide, the rivers to erupt, here are the reasons
http://www.downtoearth.org.in/content/man-made-reasons-uttarakhand-disaster
http://www.currentscience.ac.in/Volumes/100/11/1617.pdf

• Unscientifically planned road construction

Himalayas are one of the youngest mountain ranges on earth, and because of the types of evolutionary processes behind their formation, they are not quite stable. If the geologic and environmental considerations are not reckoned with during road construction and widening, such landslides are just waiting to happen. Road widening would cause the slopes to become steeper and hence more vulnerable to excessive rainfall.

• Unplanned urban development

Urban planning is very important in such sensitive areas, and poor decisions by government and policy makers can lead to improper urban expansion thus obstructing drainage of rain water.

• Hydro-projects

The rising pressure for development and exploitation of resources in these areas have led to numerous hydro-power projects and dam construction over Ganga and its tributaries. This leads to large scale land use change and only accelerates the damage.

• Religious tourism

The most controversial reason, yet the major cause of everything. Motivated by religious beliefs, the mass of tourists that flock these areas, have demanded better infrastructure to reach the holy sites, and this tourist demand has led to rapid urban establishment in and around these vulnerable areas. The surge of vehicles carrying tourists and the heavy machinery rolling around for building construction have damaged the environment in these areas beyond repair. This tourist crowd has been increasing rapidly over the years, with surmounting pressure over the Himalayan soil.

• Deforestation

Trees hold the soil intact. Deforestation for different construction work has led to loose soil that contributes to landslides and massive debris flow.

• Rainfall

Rainfall might be the only major natural trigger for these disasters, apart from the inherent geology and geomorphology of these mountain ranges. Cloud bursts and excessive downpour on these steep slopes can instigate floods, but the dramatic changes of these lands due to human intervention has compounded that effect. It is clear from the prevalence of floods and landslides in these areas in the past years what role man has played in causing them.

For the recent disasters, the worst might have passed, but there is still a lot to be said and done. The relief measures are going on, trying to secure the people stuck in miserable conditions, bringing them back to safety and providing them with the necessary medical and food supplies. Plans are yet to start on reestablishing life in the damaged areas. There is something for everyone to talk about here. The losses, miseries and sufferings of people who made it to the end speak volumes. The army's heroic acts of selfless service to their nation need no words of expression. All other talks are more of the non-silent kind. The media providing updates from the flood stricken areas often asking ridiculous questions to the sufferers, politicians throwing words at each other like pots and pans, at the same time trying to keep themselves as unobtrusive as possible, central and state governments focusing their efforts to inculpate each other over any kind of shortcoming in the remediation measures. There will be questions about improper road and other infrastructure construction, and steps might be taken to incorporate well-researched planning for the rehabilitation. Hopefully these important considerations don't get neglected in the debates and striving competition for faster development.

The popular and deeply rooted religious beliefs are to be seriously scrutinized here. People need to understand that their own irrational faiths with absolutely no grounds whatsoever have led to pressures for anthropogenic development and exploitation in vulnerable areas. Building spiritual tourist sites in fragile natural areas because of the demand, with inappropriate planning and inadequate remedial measures will eventually show its cost, and no one other than us will be to blame. If we stay focused on building a temple and how to reach it, rather than giving sufficient insight to the pros and cons of such a construction, we are just inviting more landslide like disasters to happen. For the God loving people, if you believe that nature is his creation, then one should probably understand that God does not like someone messing up with his art. The scientific facts are out there, but still if facts are not your cup of tea, and God's abode is what you seek, then his message is very clear here; he is tired of all the prayers and expectations and these visits, he needs some alone time. So please, let him rest for a while.

Media's story of A-SatyamevJayate

Media is a powerful tool in the present world, and combining the strengths of both words and visuals, it has managed to control the public in a very calculated way. Not an aficionado in particular, I simply like being aware of the world around me. But none of the news websites, papers or channels provide me with unbiased information. I am not very adept in making a judgment on these inclinations, but I am conscious of the bias because, whenever I am acquainted with a topic, it is always with a pre-conceived opinion. The entire news network created by today's media reeks of an air of prejudiced contrivance. And I absolutely detest the media's manifestations of artificiality and prepossession.

I place my opinions here in response to an article written by a renowned journalist commenting on a recent show SatyamevJayate. The author of the article, Mr. Pritish Nandy, believes that Mr. Aamir Khan unlike the journalists, only talks about the social issues rather than actually doing something about them. As the media force actually fights those evils, and creates an oppression for immediate actions, this show is a silent exhibition of sorrowful stories and grievous journeys of people who have suffered. Mr. Khan neither attempts to solve anything (since he brings out the problem, he is expected to solve it), nor does he take the front seat in starting some kind of a campaign and putting his life at risk. My one statement answer to this view of Mr. Nandy would be that he has either deliberately or foolishly, but completely misconstrued the idea underlying this show.

The heart and soul of SatyamevJayate lies in the idea of spreading mass awareness. It intends to bring out issues in front of people who are either oblivious of its existence in the same society they are living in, or they are ignorant of the gravity of those issues. Talking with people who have suffered is a way to bring about that awareness. And I never expected Mr. Aamir Khan to present himself as the intrepid savior of commons coming to our deliverance, trying to solve everything without us taking a single step. I never saw Mr. Khan as a leader of a revolutionary change, or looked up to him as a preacher of any kind. And I would never reckon him to take the bullet in his chest to bring about the change, as Mr. Nandy expects him to. This is because this show is not about Aamir Khan, it is about us.

Mr. Aamir Khan is the face of the show. People know him, like him, admire him, and so will be allured to watch the show. But when you watch it, do you think about Aamir Khan? Or do you think about the wrongs that are happening in our society? Do you wait for Mr. Khan to answer the questions for you, or do you actually contemplate it? This show tries to make you answer the questions yourself rather than someone else answering it for you. And I think that is the perfect start to finding a solution.

SatyamevJayate, unlike media campaigns or live discussions which have an offensive stance, is a serene yet steady demonstration of the social problems. Its sole purpose is to spread the knowledge to the masses for the sake of their information, security and improvement. The facts and statistics shown on the show are definitely in the circle of doubt, but that does not defeat the cause of propagating the idea of self-speculation.

I might also question the purely altruistic motives of Mr.Aamir Khan in making the show, but to quite a good extent, the motives are generous.
The article by Mr. Pritish Nandy is no less than a shoddy ruse of misrepresenting the good interests of the show. And there are people who vilify the purpose of the show and revile the host in the name of religion. I found blogs posting preposterous comments on the misuse of money for religious purposes and talking tripe about the religious differences. I wonder and also pity this parochial view of an Indian citizen by another Indian, who considers India to be rightful possession of a particular denomination. I am optimistic of such people being no more than a few grains of sand in a desert.

I believe that every change, small or big, is self-induced. A second person may at most motivate you, but cannot bring about the change unless you want it. Answers to all questions lie within ourselves. We just need to ask that question to ourselves and not to others.

Pritish Nandy's blog link: http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/extraordinaryissue/entry/does-satyamev-jayate-work

Appleism or Googleonomy?

If someone asked me that was I an Apple fan or a Google admirer, I would have scratched my head hard and ended up with several questions wobbling inside rather than answers. Rephrasing the question to what products you prefer would not help either, because the competition out there is mind-boggling. And the users being inundated with the deluge of products are ending up being scourged by this mess. I wonder what lies in that 10 mile radius where all the brains start working at a lightening speed trying to bring out their products like a shower of hailstones, and giving people just enough time to realize what they have been hit with before another storm strikes in. My words would seem like those of a start-up company trying to survive amidst this Apple vs Google rivalry. But no, I am just a user trying to figure out what is going on.

Apple was born around the same time as Microsoft, starting its journey with a fleet of computer hardware and software. That journey branched ahead to capture a wider market when Apple squalled in with a series of consumer electronics with the i- tag; the i-Mac, i-Phone, i-Pod and the i-Pad.  Most of the softwares that Apple produced also bore the same tag, like the i-Tunes, i-Book or i-Life. In fact, the heart and soul of the entire mobile venture was based on the operating system named i-OS. And whatever the reason was for this abbreviation (the most credible of all being to promote the products as internet friendly), it has proved to be the best marketing tool ever seen. These tags have created an empire where everything is flawless, perfect, gorgeous, one of its kind, and they follow a religion known as Appleism. 

On the other hand, Google started off in an entirely different league. When some emerging giants had provided the platform to revolutionize the world, the makers of Google decided to expedite the process. They provided the search engine that organized the world in a way no one had previously noticed in the presence of Yahoo and AltaVista. And then we became part of a world where everything you wanted to know went through a single action: Google it! And that practice defined Googleonomy. 

When Google started growing, there was nothing else to watch out for. Name an application and Google had something for you. Google brought to us the reality when what you think is in front of you. From various search tools, communication resources and web-based applications, Google entered the mobile industry producing its own softwares and operating systems. Some of the Google products did get busted but overall its stand in the market was never shaken. Not until Apple decided to do so.

Now lets see how that can happen. Google works on a principle entirely different from Apple. Apple believes in less and perfect. Google believes in diversity. Apple keeps its products limited to avoid compromising with quality because of dilution. Google does what it thinks is best for everyone, and to make a difference in whatever way it can. Apple embraces class and sophistication, Google appeals more to the simple man. If Apple had continued producing only desktops and laptops, and if Google had just been an Internet services provider, there would have been less confusion. Then probably Nokia would have been the mobile giant, there would be no smartphones, and Microsoft would be ruling the computer world with its Windows and taking full advantage of the exclusivity of Apple. But when there is science, thinking is never confined. And when everyone is thinking, competition gains grounds. 

So, while Apple was reviving from its downfall and returning to making profits with the return of Jobs and introducing i-Mac, Google started to nurture from the seeds that Page and Brin had sown, and in a blink of an eye became the top most search engine. Apple introduced the i-Pod, followed by i-Phone and Apple TV in the coming years. Versions of i-Pod, i-Phone and Macbooks kept luring people who started getting more addicted to the use of smartphones. Google kept winning grounds by introducing a brilliant business strategy called Adwords that made Google a multi-billion dollar company. They brought to the customers several desktop applications, search tools like News, Scholar, Books, etc. and Maps. They also introduced Google Maps and Earth for i-Phone, supporting the popularity of Apple products. There was no competition for Google communication products like Gmail, Blogger, YouTube and Picasa. But then the fields started merging. Rise of Facebook as the king of social networking caught the tail of Google's Orkut and led to its diminution. To parallel that Google introduced Google+ which was advertised as something more noble and mature than Facebook. But due to lack of users it remained there just more than a shadow. Apple jumped in with its novel concept of i-Pad, which made the other companies run amok. Then everyone started producing tablets. By now Apple had won hearts through i-Phone and i-Pod; so Google introduced its friendly adversary in the form of the first Android phone. Android developed its own fan following, and in a span of 4 years, it had defeated the sales of i-Phone. Samsung revealed a soft corner for Google and collaborated to introduce the other category of smartphones. The recent Galaxy III model even beats i-Phone in connectivity, let alone several extraordinary apps that come in the Android package. The friendliness though still public started transforming fast in the applications being introduced for mobiles. Google had Maps with navigation for Androids, i-Phone got it too, and now with their own navigation introduced this year. Google has Drive, Apple has i-Cloud. Apple had a TV, Google got one too. Google got Books, Apple has i-Books. Other comparisons include Google Music/i-Tunes, Docs/i-Docs, Wallet/Passbook and several utility based apps. Google also introduced its own Chrome Book, OS-X in comparison to Mac. But the greatest adversary that Google has developed an apprehension for, is Siri. Though Siri's capabilities are far advanced compared to Google voice search, Siri is more like a miniature version of human brain fed into the mobile that can actually defeat even the intuitive capacity of Google Instant search. And now when Apple is making friends with Facebook, it would be a scene to watch the market for an actual bull fight. (I am really glad for the Gaming expertise being out of their arena).

The bigger question now is-what are users supposed to do. There would be a large crowd of ardent followers who believe in Appleism and its philosophy of perfection. There would be others who believe Google is right because there is nowhere in this world that you can't Google. But most of us are probably happier with a mix of the biggies. The only things that prevents that from happening is compatibilty between the products. Apple makes its products so exclusive that either you buy everything from them or nothing. That can be a drawback for users like us who do not want to feel committed, rather look for things that serve best to our convenience. Apple running on Mac and i-OS confines people to use their products only, but Google at least gives the freedom of mix and match. With the market niches intersecting, it is an interesting and "survival of the fittest" kind of competition for the companies, and a tough analysis for the customers. I personally would enjoy the freedom, and so accepting the competent nature of apps and softwares, would like to possess Android. And as far as adherence is concerned, I would say - "I am not religious". 

The Eco-friendliness of the ORGANIC Wave

It is 2012, and whatever we have left of our environment to date, is still tossing in the hands of "Who cares" with "nothing much can be done about it" written on all facets in bold. It's funny how the countries that steered the air of Green Revolution, in a desperate move to save the hunger stricken world, are now singing the tune of Organic farming. It's all over the US market, at least a small section in every known chain of stores. And quite positively, this wave would have hit all the countries to different extents, the visual impression being stronger in the more developed countries and declining down in a descending fashion. I have been observant of this section since my first shopping experience in US, as it was not a familiar sight back in India. And recently, the sight at the Whole Foods Market swarmed by the wise environmentally conscious people just proved its stand in the World's most ethical companies.

It is a very common notion among public that something labelled "organic" relates to doing good for the environment. In a way, that is right. You are doing good to the environment by buying something which was supposed to be available at cheaper rates than the synthetically produced commodities, for the simple reason that organic farming is a new form of our prehistoric agricultural practices, before the onset of Green Revolution. And this is what is so ironic. When common agricultural tools could not feed the world, funds were raised, science was used to make the lands more productive and crops high yielding. And after scouring off all the aboriginals, in an effort to save the environment, an expensive way to make up for all that spoiling work is to toy with the Organic word. How safe!

This is now the picture of every developed and developing nation, including India. People are being educated about all the eco-friendly products and practices, money is allotted in the name of launching the "Green Market". But how faithful are the progenitors towards actually serving their environments? Is it just a money making scheme for them and a rightful duty for the commoners? How influenced will the public be with these stunts when they are burdened with the fight to earn a good living. Who will take care of the environment? Not those who criticize the rising fuel prices and own a four-wheeler per head in their family, and definitely not those who buy organic food and believe that global warming is only because of the sun.

It is true. While the republican faces literally hate the idea that global warming is in any way related to human activities, the democratic president supports his people by not only agreeing with human induced global warming, but also putting all the accusation on developing countries like India and China for the increased fuel prices and air pollution. That makes everyone happy. And so with almost the highest number of vehicles per 1000 persons, being one of the largest CO2 producing countries, and never ratifying the Kyoto Protocol, US stands strong in promoting organic food and claiming itself as one of the most environmentally conscious country.

India has different issues. Poverty, population and lack of education being the ruffians. And it has become a fashion to give a say on these issues; everyone has one. India has signed and ratified everything, and schemes and yojnas are being proposed and implemented through the Five-year plans. With the 11th Five year plan closing in, our agricultural country is aiming to reverse the deceleration in agricultural growth and to improve the income of the farmers. Isn't that too early to do?  The Planning Commission of India clearly indicate in their report that the faults and lacking efforts of the State Agricultural departments in following the norms of good agricultural practice. The Krishi Vikas Kendras are there just as a progress in papers. Moreover, most of the organically produced food is exported to other countries. Now with absence of education and resources, how is a poor farmer expected to follow all the rules of a good sustainable farming and produce something which would be sold at sky high prices in some other country? The current policies wouldn't allow the farmers to give in the certified organic produce as demanded with a meager investment.

I accept that promoting organic food/farming is at least a step towards sustainability. But with all the money laundering and inflation stricken markets, are the majority people even capable of buying the over priced stuff? After straining out the pockets, is there an extra penny left to spend on something which should have been there had not the money making stunts brought us to this stage. But as the old saying goes, no use crying over spilled milk, it is probably the future we should be worried about.

Common sense tells that future is built on the foundations of the present. What we have today is a result of the past and what we do now will give us a proportionate future. If we continue to dwell in the shallowness of the so called eco-wave, there is nothing but a disaster waiting for us ahead. The people already in the boat will be the ones to drown last; it's the commoners who are actually drifting in the flow that are earliest to succumb.

Facts apart, environment itself is a very naive thought. It includes you, your surroundings, and the relation you have with others sharing these surroundings. When you understand that, you know that thinking about the environment is basically knowing about yourself and the importance of your existence. Once you are above the biased education on eco-friendliness, you can give it a thought yourself. There is a difference between being educated to be environmentally conscious, and actually being environmentally conscious. And that difference boils down to just a simple frame of mind. Sort out your necessities from your luxuries. Burning a gallon of fuel to buy some organic food is not a very healthy idea. Neither is a full utilization of your 24*7 supply of electricity just to make your house look beautiful. Buying and throwing unnecessarily does not count as being green. Reserve and preserve. Spend thriftly. And do your share. A simple idea can definitely change your and others' life.

The Brutal and the Kind

Every night, I hear someone talking to me. Softly in  my ears, yes I think in my ears, but I am not sure. It just feels like I am absorbed into something, where the words are penetrating me, like through a sponge. I have often thought about it, about the "person" talking to me, but his words are so prevalent, I find it difficult to concentrate on his entity. Rather, I listen to him.

I am 45 years old, placed just right in what the society calls, the Middle Age boat. And its been years I have been listening to him. Sometimes he is too demanding, sometimes soft, and other days, he is just there; Present. But he is there all the time, watching me.

I wonder how he knows everything about me. Even those things I might have secretly fancied about, or the dread of some mysterious object which perhaps I had never embodied. I never feared him, not until that day.

I was 16. Youthful, inquisitive, charming, the dream boy of several girls of my age. In short, just Perfect. I had a dream of my own, to get into the best engineering school of the country. I knew I was smart enough, there was just one thing that concerned me. My best friend was my worthiest adversary.

The day was not far off when we would sit for the exam of our lifetime. Tuitions, notes and revisions captivated us, stealing even the miniscule of time spared for enjoyment. I worked on the problems with my best friend till one day, he fell ill. We were just 10 days away from the E-day and there he was on the bed, the flu withering away his body. I feared he would miss the exam, and prayed to someone every night(I was and am not exactly a theist) that he would recover soon.

One day (a week before the exam), my brother surprised me with an email, and I should say, I had never loved my brother like that before as I did on that day. The mail contained a set of questions prepared by some friends in his network, who were attending my dream school. It was a master list, with key questions that had a 90% chance to appear on the exam. Suddenly I felt weak inside, as if I was nothing without that list, I had no hope whatsoever to get through the exam without those set of questions. Someone whispered to me "This can make you win"; it was not a familiar voice, but what it said made me feel stronger. I was happy that day. And mildly fearful. That night, I could not sleep. I did not pray.

Just the day before exam, my best friend called me up to ask about my progress. He was much better and was going to appear for the exam the next day. I was too occupied memorizing the master list, and could not talk much. He asked if I had learned something new. I lied.

That lie never felt like worth a penny of guilt when the results came out. I had made it into my dream school and not just made it, I stood amongst the toppers who had all the privilege to choose the stream they wanted to get into. My best friend did make it in the lower ranks, and chose not to take admission in that school. I    missed him for sometime, the fun we used to have together, but I am not aware if I ever missed his competition. On that front, I was rather relieved.

I wouldn't say that I had a euphoric life since, but I did wear the shoes which millions would aspire to be in. And after successfully serving a multi-national company and having built a house for my family, the doom's day cast its shadow upon me. I was laid off without any distinctions for the drops of sweat I had shed for the company over all these years.

It did not feel like the end. It felt like several years of life had been rewinded and I stood there at the entrance of the examination room. Someone reminded me of my friend. It was the same voice that was with me all the time, talking to me all these years. He was calm, always, even if I avoided listening to him. I realized only then, that he was not the only one watching me. There was someone else, I had heard him that day. I had obeyed him. He made me lie.

That night was appalling. I was amidst an argument, a stronger, more familiar voice, trying to convince me, to make me realize my mistakes, and a meeker, but more imposing, making me believe that I was always right. I could not find a way out of that strife, no matter how hard I tried. It was more than just a shadow; it was like a parasite.

Those arguments had become more frequent. They were there mostly when I was alone, but sometimes they even captured me in a crowd. I don't know how they did it, how they found me, even when I was with people. The worse part was, I was losing my capacity to think. I was waiting till one of them decides something for me. I had become dependent on someone.

Suffering with these painful mind games for several days, one fine  day I received a call for interview in an esteemed company. I got it through a reference. This was The opportunity, I knew, and an impulsive voice bellowed, "Grab it with whatever you have". I worked hard, prepared and kept myself engaged in studies to avoid listening to any arguments. Unusually, and thankfully, there were none throughout this time.

On the morning of the interview, the news from my neighbors apprehended all the emotions one could imagine. The uncle staying next to us, was a dear friend, and a reverent person, very close to our hearts. He had suffered a major heart attack and had to be taken to the hospital immediately. I was the first person at hand, and perhaps the only one there who they could blindly trust. The issue was, I had to make a decision. I depended on someone.

There were arguments again. And this time they were all the more painful. Pain smeared with the feeling of emptiness, with the incapacity of not being able to think, with a guilt of something, with the love and trust my neighbor had for me, and such numerous things. It was no more a one to one brawl; I felt like the insect trapped mercilessly in the web ready to be consumed. Or perhaps I was already on the way to consumption.

Two voices, which was which, I could not tell. Both were imposing today. One forced me to rush to my neighbor and the other made me think of my interview. And suddenly I found someone pulling my arm and carrying me forward out of the door. My steps were moving across the lawn towards my neighbor's house. I felt like someone breaking into the web and saving me. I realized my ambience just when I saw the uncle lying motionless on his bed. Abruptly, the shrill sound of aunty's cries penetrated my ears and that was the only voice I could hear. My daughter had rescued me.

I drove him to the hospital and stayed there, till the operation was done and we received the news of his successful revival. I felt happy and calm. Everything around me endured silence. It was all enigmatic.

I missed my interview that day. And it has been 5 months since I received another call. But one thing has surely happened. I feel free; free from the one watching me. And I feel safe, strong and independent. There have been no more arguments, and my sleeps are painless. At 45, I am no more a toy of the brutal and the kind; I believe in myself and make my own decisions. I have become the "Master of my Soul".

Ek Sitara

Sham ek sitara…

dhundlate aasman mein….

kuch dheere kuch sehme….

bin awaz kiye…

is zameen ko dekhta…

kabhi badal se jhakta…

kabhi chand ki roshni ko odhta…

wo chota sitara….

Sochta…

ye dharti…pyari sunahri…

hazaron rango se saji….

zindagi ko roshan karti….

ye paani ye mitti ye hawa…

sab kuch to hai tere paas…

main ek rang ka…..

akela is jahan mein….

anjane saikdon ke beech…

apni hi roshni mein kho sa jata hoon main….

Is roshni mein dekhta hoon tujhe…

to ehsaas hota hai…

main akela khud mein hi jeeta hoon…

par tujhe kya kami hai…

kyu tu apno ke saath hokar bhi meri roshni se zinda hai…